To dissolve the illusion of knowing what comes next.
A tale we keep telling ourselves, from the cradle to the grave.
Until it is fused into the cracks of our bones.
And the crevices of our secret topography echo the illusion.
Dare to step beyond.
Who are we to know what awaits us.
*
Stages of what eventually became my first self portrait.
Could you guess it from the first lines?
I couldn’t.
(With acrylic colors on Italian black drawing paper 190g/m2 – 21×29 cm)
And the final result:
In negative filter:
*
Spira / Nick © June 2025
inSPIRAtion 
The portrait does not explain itself. The eye is absent, or spared — a decision made in silence rather than spectacle. Where others might insist on revealing light, this face permits shadow to speak. It carries the stillness of someone who has stopped needing to be known aloud. Not hidden, but resolved.
After a long season of saying nothing, the image finds its own form of understanding.
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Reading your words, M, reminded me ( for one more time) what it means to be seen & known so profoundly by someone I have never broke bread with; a level of knowing people who have shared with me big parts of my life haven’t achieved.
Everything you say is so, so true… resulting in a sacred moment.
Although, I didn’t set out to paint my self portrait, I know now it was meant to be on this time of this year in my life.
The eyes… “they are watching from elsewhere ” and their absence saying ” You do not see me, not truly, until you see all I have carried”.
Aye, M.
But look at the last image, the one in negative filter.
The painting, in its normal form, has a gaze about 45° to the left.
Yes, eyes are absent deliberately, as you have pointed out.
But look now at the ” negative” one… my portrait’s eyes, my eyes, are fixed towards the eyes of the painter, viewer.
See? …” watching from elsewhere”.
🙏
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The title would lead us to see a portrait, and in fact, the structure of a face is apparent. So too, the image of a wolf/canine sitting atop a mountain back to us, facing a void… There is much in your brushstrokes to be seen and so I shall follow the movement of your brush.
Thank you, Nick for art that allows us to explore and look beyond.
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As you noticed, Denise, since you always dive in the totality of whatever I bring forth, the choice of the first six sentences along with the presented evolution of this painting are not without a reason.
No, I didn’t wake up yesterday thinking ” I should do my self portrait today… “.
But the Path from the initial brushstrokes (of photo 1) to the end result was quite revealing; in meditative way. But also in realizing how completely those brushstrokes captured my essence.
I have said it before, that when the viewer sees new perspectives in my art, I receive this as a big compliment.
Hence why I am reluctant to ” lead towards” my vision in an absolute way. For this one? Yeah, Self Portrait does that… but then again, Denise… this one was quite… personal.
🙏
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Very nice, Nick! The white comes out very well, and it captures you well. I’ve also finished a self-portrait and will show it soon.
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Friedrich, thank you! Synchronicity reigns supreme.
Looking forward to it… I can only imagine the miracles you have performed with negative space.
🙏
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Very impressive, both the words and the art, and the way you have handled that piece. ‘Noble’ is the word that I would use – and a great idea about your first self-portrait.
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You honor me with your reaction, Chris. Thank you so much!
(First and last self portrait😊)
🙏
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