Heartbeat

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“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” J. Campbell

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A moment sooner or later, a phone call answered or not, a word of warning heeded or not…less than a feather…a sigh…is all it takes for the scales of life to tip out of balance.

Then comes the tsunami…replacing, in an instant, what was familiar with a new reality, furnished with a chair, a table and a bed you have never used before, inside a room you have never been before, with a view outside your only window you have never gazed upon before…not that it is any different from the view you are familiar with…You are. Different.

Between Timelines, at the junction of two lifelines of the palm of your hand, still confused.

Events carry you on their shoulders like a driftwood riding the current of a fierce river, leaving you breathless to watch as the world goes by. When in reality, breakneck speed defies only what you can adsorb, make sense of.

Then, the Pause: from 1,000 miles per hour to 0 in less than a second, your soul is anchored to a single point with a chain that has neither sufficient length nor any slack, deprived from any movement and freedom…minutes later your body catches up with your soul…the trial by fire begins!

What you thought as your biggest weapons, become your worst adversaries…three demons await you to measure against them.

Weapons they carry, none. They need none.

Your thoughts, your fears, your pride, your guilt and tears, your stubbornness, your illusions of might, your denials…are their weapons. You are.

At your weakest point, they attack.

At your illusion of victory, they attack.

At your moment of desolation, they attack.

Engulfing you with such darkness, like no other you’ve ever seen; bringing forth a beast of a self, twisted and in agonizing pain; having but one purpose: give in, give up, drown willingly, convinced that’s the only way out.

You watch yourself burn and, in the process, shed every layer of who you are; your flesh is ripped from the bone, yet you still give in to the madness, the false prophet who offers rewards of oblivion…

…only thing the three demons ask is to be proud, “do not let the ones who love you help, what are you, weak?” …indulge in the judgement “useless, worthless” no one else but yourself brings forth…”surrender…give in…no more pain…give up”… to a soundless, airless, lifeless and lightless void.

As you sink in the quicksand of your own shit, there lies your chance…to deem yourself worthy, to reach out for the helping hand, to rise above what is to what can be

…in your darkest hour when all hope seems gone…

…when sanity is only an “in” away from her sister…

…trust…trusttrust

…there are forces to aid you…

…companions, blood brothers,  who will not hesitate to enter the fiery storm, just to be by your side…

…souls, who eagerly share a part of your burden.

You will be humbled beyond belief…

…you will be so naked, that light will pass through yourself without any refraction…

then and only then…

You will rise…

…and you will know…

…and yours will be an ever-expanding realization…

…yours will be a new understanding that transforms everything…

light & love…

…not as a new age bumper sticker.

Light and love, as the prize for surviving the trial by fire.

With your Warrior new skin, you embrace what is the quiet essence of the universe and beyond.

Then and only then,

you will be the grain of sand in the ocean of time...

a grain that contains all the ocean and no time…

…light…love…are timeless.

 

BY THE COMPANY OF WARRIORS I KEEP

Spira / Nick © August 2022

 

 

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“The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.” J. Campbell

 

[ And yes Denise, I owe a beat

Here it is, in this non Six Sentence non Story…

 The Lion The Beast The Beat]

 

 

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About Spira

” The eternal part of our being is conscious of the timeless essence of life & is aware that the past is nothing but a memento of the present and tomorrow a dream of the now. The very thing meditating & singing from within, remains always inside the boundaries of the primordial instant that scattered the stars into the cosmos.” Kh.Gibran

9 responses »

  1. (ex Doctrina): by definition, one of the three predominant worldview, (aka personality types) are solitary in the worst sense of the word.
    The relationship of ‘Outsider’ is what monolithic is all about, to be outside (of) is an angle of only one dimension.
    The world that we, (some of us), inhabit is not as devoid as it might appear, at least to ‘the other two’.
    And, while ‘the other two’ might sincerely sympathize, genuinely grieve and well-intentionally wish us well, they cannot know of that which stalks us throughout our lives. (It’s name is a varied as the people, (‘dark place’ is my own favorite but we each have our different names for the same thing that stalks the Outsider)… and there, nestled in the delusional disguise of parenthetical is the good news… (Insert the appropriate number of parenthesiseseses to close it off: HERE)

    Good news/Bad News:

    Bad News: (we are always in the personal reality that is the context of our developing our personality type… aka predominant worldview, as the Doctrine says, our personality type is the best strategy for contending with the world as we experience it)

    sorta Bad News: (the Outsider paradigm is nearly air-tight)

    kinda Good News: (Hey, did you read that right? nearly airtight’?!)

    Good News: (despite the true fact of Outsiders being alone and the unfortunate lack of any word for a multiple of clarks (nothing we’ve come across as cool as, say ‘a murder of crows’) the tenure of the Wakefield Doctrine on the internest allows one Outsider to identify* with another and by doing so, experience a diminution of the power of the dark place. Actually, in this writer’s experience, this benefit manifests as a reduction of the un-opposable certainty of the voice (from the dark)**

    Full Disclosure: It does not contradict/change/ameliorate/make-more-reasonable/or, for that matter, does not make it go away… it does, (in this writer’s experience), shorten the time it takes to leave the dark. To know of another Outsider who has returned (battered? sure beat-to-shit? of course! slow to believe in normalacy? Hello, clark
    But we know each other when see us (lol) and it helps

    ***Hey!! protective scotts and well-intentioned rogers!!! Don’t worry all of this is…like a ….story we’re working…yeah! that’s right it’s a rough draft Nothing to see… move along***

    * the mgic of identification is it being a non-transactional sharing between two people
    ** the true power, the unspeakable horror of the dark place, is that we have lost all defenses and it is the only voice we hear
    *** lol

    Liked by 1 person

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